the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
