I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
