You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
