Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
