I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
