im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
