were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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