I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
