I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
