She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
