dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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