I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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