That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
