By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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