either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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