I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
