he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
