so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize