tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
