Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
