He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
