didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
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Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
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GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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