I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I'm always down for nudity.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
