i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
he fucked my hip out of place.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
