There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
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