Have you finally orgasmed yet?
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
