Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
