just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
