chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
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You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
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We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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