The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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