Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
