Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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