Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
