help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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