Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
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