$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
