I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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