He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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