Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
