The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
