His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
