I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
