we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
