I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
