A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
