I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
