Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
