Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
