Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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