I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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