dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.