i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
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Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
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Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively