Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
Just general bites
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.