Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
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So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
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her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?