im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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