This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
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