We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
