I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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