I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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