i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
