so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
