she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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