oh god the rape fog is back!
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
