8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
