I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
what day is it and did you see me today?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
