it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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