Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I wish I could teleport
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
