If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
