I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
