tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
