I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
this just has baby written all over it
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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