haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
