You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
