Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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